How to be a better man – Christian Dating Coach

How to be a man of good character – By pastor michael – the christian dating coach

So, What is a REAL MAN? In contemporary society, where emotional expression and personal fulfillment are highly valued, the ancient philosophy of Stoicism offers a contrasting viewpoint. Stoicism, a school of Hellenistic philosophy founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium in the early 3rd century BC, emphasizes the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions. But is it good to be stoic? This essay delves into the philosophy of Stoicism, its benefits, criticisms, and relevance in the modern world – By Pastor Michael – The Christian Dating Coach

Understanding Stoicism

To evaluate the merits of Stoicism, one must first understand its principles. Stoicism teaches the development of self-control and resilience as a means to achieve a life of virtue, in harmony with nature. Central to Stoic philosophy is the belief that the path to happiness is found in accepting the present moment as it presents itself, by not allowing oneself to be controlled by the desire for pleasure or fear of pain, and by using one’s mind to understand the world and to do one’s part in nature’s plan.

Stoicism and Emotional Resilience

One of the most lauded aspects of Stoicism is its promotion of emotional resilience. Stoics believe in accepting things we cannot change and focusing our energy on what we can control. This perspective is particularly beneficial in dealing with life’s adversities. By maintaining a calm and rational mind, Stoics can navigate through challenges without being overwhelmed by negative emotions. In the face of personal or professional setbacks, such stoic resilience can be incredibly advantageous.

Stoicism in Decision Making

Stoicism promotes clear, rational thinking, which is highly beneficial in decision-making processes. By removing emotional impulsiveness, Stoics can make more thoughtful and calculated decisions. This aspect of Stoicism is particularly relevant in leadership roles, where emotional detachment can aid in making unbiased decisions that are in the best interest of the greater good.

Stoicism and Personal Development

The stoic focus on personal virtue and self-improvement is another positive aspect of the philosophy. Stoicism encourages individuals to be the best versions of themselves, not for external validation, but for their own peace and fulfillment. This self-focused approach to personal growth can lead to more ethical behavior, greater self-confidence, and improved mental health.

Criticism of Stoicism: Emotional Repression

Despite its advantages, Stoicism faces criticism, primarily for its perceived encouragement of emotional repression. Critics argue that the stoic emphasis on emotional control can lead to the unhealthy suppression of feelings. Human emotions, even negative ones, are essential for a well-rounded emotional life. They inform us about our environment and our relationships with others. Emotionally repressive practices can lead to psychological issues, including depression and anxiety.

Stoicism and Human Connection

Another criticism of Stoicism is that it may hinder deep emotional connections with others. By promoting a level of detachment, Stoicism can make individuals appear aloof or unemotional in their relationships. Emotional vulnerability is often necessary for the formation of close, meaningful relationships. Stoicism’s emphasis on self-sufficiency might also discourage seeking help or support from others, potentially leading to isolation.

Stoicism in the Face of Injustice

Critics also argue that Stoicism’s emphasis on accepting things outside of one’s control could lead to passivity in the face of injustice. If one accepts every negative aspect of life as unchangeable, this might discourage efforts to change unjust systems or fight against societal wrongs. However, modern interpretations of Stoicism encourage active engagement in improving the world while maintaining inner tranquility.

Modern Stoicism and Emotional Intelligence

Modern adaptations of Stoicism try to address some of its criticisms. Contemporary Stoics argue that the philosophy does not require emotionless existence but rather encourages the understanding and managing of emotions. This approach aligns with the concept of emotional intelligence, which involves being aware of and regulating one’s emotions, rather than suppressing them.

Stoicism in Stress Management and Mental Health

In terms of mental health and stress management, Stoicism has much to offer. The Stoic practice of focusing on what one can control can reduce feelings of helplessness and anxiety. Additionally, Stoicism’s emphasis on living in the present can help mitigate worries about the future or regrets about the past. These aspects of Stoicism align well with modern psychological practices like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).

Stoicism in the Context of Consumerism and Materialism

In a world increasingly driven by consumerism and materialism, Stoicism offers a refreshing counter-narrative. It teaches contentment with what one has and discourages the pursuit of external validation through material possessions. This aspect of Stoicism can lead to more sustainable living practices and a reduction in the constant pursuit of more, which often leads to dissatisfaction and stress.

Stoicism and Life Satisfaction

Practicing Stoicism can lead to greater life satisfaction. By focusing on internal virtues and what is within one’s control, individuals can develop a sense of inner peace and fulfillment, independent of external circumstances. This aspect of Stoicism can be particularly liberating in a world where people often tie their happiness to external achievements and possessions.


In conclusion, Stoicism, with its emphasis on emotional resilience, rational decision-making, and personal virtue, offers numerous benefits. It can aid in stress management, improve decision-making, and foster personal growth and life satisfaction. However, it is essential to approach Stoicism with a modern perspective, recognizing the importance of emotional expression and the value of emotional connections with others. The philosophy should be seen as a guide to managing emotions and challenges, rather than a prescription for emotional detachment or passivity in the face of injustice. When adapted to address its criticisms and aligned with contemporary understandings of emotional intelligence, Stoicism can be a powerful and beneficial philosophy for living a balanced and fulfilling life in the modern world.

In Love
Pastor Michael – The Christian Relationship Coach
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